just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
