***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
