so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
