well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize