Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
