rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
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