When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize
