I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize