dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
