My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
The best revenge is premature balding
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
