I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
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