she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
