To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
