Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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