i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
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