i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
should my penis look like a turkey
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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