And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
