No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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