I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
