i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
