I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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