Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
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