guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Randomize
