put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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