The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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