Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Randomize
