accomplished twins. life is a go
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
