well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Randomize
