They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
