So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize