There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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