i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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