Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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