Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize