My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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