went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
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