I forgot how hot balto sounded
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize