And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize