I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
