forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
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