dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
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