2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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