this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
