so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
