He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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