she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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