Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
