just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
