The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Randomize
