Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
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