I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
