They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
