I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
