What a fucking waste of an outfit
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
