Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
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