I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
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