i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
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