so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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