i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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