Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
We need a shit load of segways right now
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Randomize
