I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
