i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
