you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
