wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
