Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
