Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
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