I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
