She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
