I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
