I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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