Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Can Purell be used as lube?
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
