Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Randomize
