I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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