I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Too much gin, very little bucket
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
