When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
