The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
