i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
