i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
