Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
we're so committed to being not committed
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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