would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Randomize
