i just wanna soil my oats bro
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
