I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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