Betty ford says i'm here all night
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
