It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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