he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
