You made me cry and you don't even care
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
