i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
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