Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
