my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
