she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
