You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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