Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
